Confusion
by AthrunYuy
Summary: McShep 1st time Pg. Rodney has some things to think about after a mission where the Wraith shows up.


Confusion  
By Athrun Yuy  
Summary: McShep 1st time Pg. Rodney has some things to think about after a mission where the Wraith shows up.  
Disclaimer: I don't own SGA but wish I could.  
AN: Thanks River Jackson

~*~*~*~

Rodney saw to it that John made it to the infirmary but didn't stick around, not even for his own post mission check up. His emotions were running too high and he couldn't stand to even be in close proximity to anyone; especially John. The mission should have been counted for as a success with the new trading partners they established and the fact that after things went to hell, his team made it back in figuratively one piece. But John was hurt, and to Rodney that counted as a loss.

Teyla caught his eye for a moment as he handed the limping Colonel over to her and Ronon, but he quickly looked away. Slipping behind them he waited for the moment when all of the attention from Carson's staff was on John before he made his escape. Once clear he ripped off his ear piece shoving it into a pocket on his tac-vest and jogged to the nearest transporter. Heading for the furthest point on Atlantis he could get to with the promise of seclusion. He knew Atlantis like the back of his hand and so finding an uninhabited and sensor-less area would be no problem. He just needed to get there NOW!

Rodney didn't know how to categorize what was going through his head. Something had just snapped. On their way back to the 'Gate the Wraith had naturally decided to show up giving them the unwanted appearance of Drones walking about. If they could have only gotten to the 'Gate five minutes sooner all of this could have been avoided.

He didn't know what happened until it was over. One of the Wraiths grunts closed in on John unexpectedly. Somehow John had managed to twist his ankle inside of a tree root trapping him essentially making him a sitting duck. Rodney just happened to look back to see that John wasn't on his six and saw the ugly fishlike vampire looming over him from behind; inches from John's back .it took Rodney no less than 4.5 seconds to start releasing his full clip into the ugly life sucker. He could still see the shock in John's eyes after he came out of his huddle to see the Wraith fall back to the ground dead. He had no idea the Wraith was that close. Rodney quickly reloaded his 9mm with military precision and went around checking to make sure it was dead before bending down wordlessly to help John free. Besides the mumbled thanks from John, nothing else was said on the way back home. Rodney clinched John to his side and refused to let anyone else take his weight until he could get him to help. Teyla and Ronon had shared a look but remained gratefully quiet about his actions.

'Too close, too close, too close,' became his running internal monolog as he descended further into the city's core. Rodney had always expected SGA-1 to go out with a bang. Something where there were explosions or a great gun battle, all from saving either their city or the people from this galaxy; but never had it crossed his mind that something so stupid as a tree root could bring death upon them, least of all John. John Sheppard could only go out in a blaze of awesome glory, nothing less.

And that single thought stopped him in his tracks. 'John had almost died.' Rodney slumps against the corridor wall trembling when the realization hit him. If he hadn't turned around when he did…. If he had hesitated even a moment…. Since releasing John from his trap, Rodney had been in shock and hadn't known why till this point. He could have lost him; the one person who had become more to him over time than anything else in his life. He could be standing here grieving his death but that wasn't the case. He had saved him! Instead he was grieving the 'what if'.

Why was now any different than all of the other times John had almost died? Rodney couldn't stop the thought as he sagged down the side of the wall, burying his head within his hands with his knees drawn up to his chest. He was so confused.

~*~*~*~

Hours later when most of the city was asleep, Rodney emerged from hiding. Trudging along with no knowledge of where his feet were taking him a feeling of numbness engulfing his very being. Time past against his will and he was no closer to an answer than before. He felt heavy, mostly due to the fact that he still hadn't taken off his off-world gear, but it was a different kind of heavy. He was exhausted beyond belief and just wanted to curl up in his bed and allow the darkness to overtake him. Rodney knew that if he attempted a shower at this point he'd probably end up sleeping there. Every bone in his body protested his movement as if he had been on a twenty mile run non-stop. He rarely felt this way unless he was fighting to save Atlantis.

Refusing to turn the light on as he enters his room he quickly sheds his vest and thigh holster as he quickly see's that his room is already occupied. In the darkness he can see John's lanky form fast asleep, a life-signs detector clutched in both hands. Rodney feels his breath catch in his throat as he drinks in the sight of John, the peaceful look on his face making him look more attractive, if that were even possible. Rodney stood at the half-way point between his bed and the door way, wringing his hands unsure of what to do. John had obviously been waiting for Rodney to return for some time now, making him wonder just how long he had been gone.

Deciding not to dwell on it, he continued on to his boots and with a lot of effort his pants and jacket. Dressed down to his boxers and t-shirt, Rodney suddenly felt a shiver. The room was at a comfortable level but now not having his gear on chilled him to the bone. Somehow his body moved on its own accord. Seeing John's bandaged ankle he grabbed a pillow from the couch to prop it up. Inside his brain, the part that was still working, knew that it should be elevated. Once that task was done he untangled the life-signs detector from John's clinched hands placing it on the nightstand then took the blanket from the bottom of the bed and tucked John in. With only a moment's hesitation Rodney climbs in next to him with his back turned towards him.

The movement rouses John. "Rodney?" John asks, his groggy voice emerging from behind him. "Where have you been? We were worried about you."

Rodney sighs, feeling sleep tugging hard on him. "I don't know."

"You ok?"

"I don't know." He replies into the stillness of the night. "I think I'm in love with you." He admits moments later. Within the next few beats he's fast asleep missing any possible response John could have given him.

John smiles, wondering whether or not Rodney knows he has said that out loud. In either case, he had and John can't help but sigh in relief. John takes the corner of the blanket in his hand and wraps his arm around Rodney's chest covering his chilled body. "Me too, buddy." He tells the sleeping form as he shifts closer. Kissing the back of Rodney's neck, John allows his eyes to close relaxing into a comfortable sleep. Tomorrow they can talk about it.


End file.
